Behind the Scenes

first things first

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To answer the question of who I want to be, I must first answer the question, ‘Who am I?’

Friends, who we are {and who we’re becoming} all boils down to what our lives are about- and not just what we think they’re about.

What drives our thoughts? Emotions? Words? Actions?

If we don’t consider these things, it’s so easy to get sucked into working ‘in’ rather than ‘on’ our lives. We’ll be reactive instead of proactive and spend our time stressed out instead of productive.

I’ve poured countless hours into planning and executing and rehashing events for work, but I’ve never thought with the same intensity about my life- home, marriage, or self, and that started to bother me.

So I did a little experiment.

I started setting an alarm on my phone for noon every day to make myself stop and think about how I was feeling and why. I figured this would give me a pretty good understanding of what is behind my thoughts, emotions, words, and actions.

I ended up thinking about these things more often than once a day and over the course of a couple weeks, realized that for me, my biggest motivation was {and still is} fears of all sorts. I am afraid of making a mistake, offending someone, or not getting everything done that “needs” to be done. {Just to name a few.}

Instead of fearing the Lord and giving Him control {like I thought}, everything else was controlling me the majority of the time.

That is not the person I want to be. If I’m honest, I knew fear was an issue, but I’d never taken the time to think about it within my day, much less try to make changes.

Honestly, the biggest change I’ve made is to pray more frequently and ask the Lord to help me have the heart He wants me to. And He’s answered. I’ve also just started telling my bossy pants emotions that they aren’t in charge. Sometimes they listen better than others {and I realize this will always be the case}, but I can tell a difference.

I think that figuring out what is at the root of behaviors is important before I start trying to plan out who I’m trying to become.

What about you? Are you intentional in considering the things behind your thoughts and actions? Do you have bossy pants emotions that control you too often? Are ridiculous fears something you struggle with, too? Let’s remind each other we’re not alone in our struggles and that choosing to control our emotions is not only doable but imperative.

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  • Selah March 7, 2013 at 7:48 AM

    Ugh. This is one of those posts that I really NEEDED but don’t necessarily like, you know? I just added three alarms for myself for the times of day that I KNOW are stressful. I’m wary of what I will discover.

    • Caitlin March 9, 2013 at 7:55 AM

      LOL! Yes, yes I do. I honestly sat on it for a few days because I knew I needed to write and publish it but it was hard to do. I am praying the Lord reveals things to you, but is also gracious in encouraging you through what you find.

  • Sharon March 7, 2013 at 9:06 AM

    I like the bossy pants emotions label…I will start putting my bossy pants emotions on the time out chair! And let God take over. :)

    • Caitlin March 9, 2013 at 7:56 AM

      I laughed out loud at the time out chair!

  • Wendy March 7, 2013 at 12:30 PM

    Thank you for writing this. It is a wonderful challenge to be who God created us to be and I am excited to read what you are learning in this. I want to learn, too :)

    • Caitlin March 9, 2013 at 7:56 AM

      Thank you for your encouragement, Wendy! Let’s learn together, friend :)

  • Florica March 7, 2013 at 3:55 PM

    I so needed this today, I have big problems with fear and what other people think of me. God has been working on me big time lately.
    I’ve memorized these verses a few weeks ago.
    Psalms 103:2-5
    2. Praise the Lord, my soul,
    and forget not all his benefits—
    3. who forgives all your sins
    and heals all your diseases,
    4. who redeems your life from the pit
    and crowns you with love and compassion,
    5. who satisfies your desires with good things
    so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

    I’m done being in the “fear” pit, its time for me to come out.
    I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Phi.4:13
    Thanks for sharing this.

    • Caitlin March 9, 2013 at 7:58 AM

      Florica, those verses are so powerful! Fear is so tricky and so consuming if we allow it to be. I’m praying you cling to Him and His strength as you kick that fear pit to the curb!

      • Florica March 9, 2013 at 10:57 AM

        Thank you Caitlin,I’m praying for you as well. Even though we don’t know each other, we can still be sisters in Christ. Have a wonderful weekend. God bless you and your family.

  • Liz Crawford March 8, 2013 at 10:43 AM

    I can’t tell you how blessed I am to read what you are learning & to learn right along with you. God has been teaching me so much this year about living out of who I already am–God’s daughter who is in the process of being sanctified and who has already been justified/saved by God’s grace through Jesus. I took a class at Talbot Seminary last summer about the theology of salvation and realized that I don’t live out of my identity in Christ but out of my own efforts, fear, and worldly identity. Your post was another heart check for me and I see that I still have so much to learn on this journey of learning to put my identity in Christ. Looking forward to journeying together. -Liz (your friend from NYC) :)

    • Caitlin March 9, 2013 at 7:58 AM

      You and me both, sister! Can’t wait to see where He takes us :)

  • Selah March 11, 2013 at 8:13 AM

    I study different character traits with my son every week. This week is all about being courageous. Our memory verse is Joshua 1:9.
    “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified. Do not be discouraged. For the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
    Other verses on courage are Psalm 56:3, Exodus 15:2-3, Psalm 28:7-9, Psalm 118:13-15, Philippians 1:20-21.

    • Caitlin March 11, 2013 at 5:30 PM

      What a great idea, Selah. Thanks for sharing all the courageous verses!

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