an unplugged epiphany

Love

this week was one where all the little things took unexpected turns, lots of things broke, and i was forced to think. a lot.

i came home sick from work tuesday and had accidentally left my computer’s power cord at work. if i’d brought it home, i’d have spent the evening watching netflix, and catching up on the blog, along with all things electronic.

instead, i had zero of those options. so i took a nap {ok, three}, read a few chapters in my book, and spent more time thinking and in prayer than i have in months. it was so peaceful and i woke up feeling better- even more rested than usual.

i realized that often, during my free time, i tell myself, ‘all i want to do is relax. just sit down, watch something, and not think.’ but instead of feeling refreshed, i’m exhausted and because i don’t leave much room for thinking, there’s little time spent processing what is going on in my life, what i’ve been learning, and how to incorporate those things into my life. instead, i scurry around like a little duracell rabbit, racing to finish my list. i stress more than i love, and i hurry more than i bless.

i realized it’s true that stress can be an ignorant state, but it is also, when you think about it, a sinful and irreverent state. it is me trying my best to play God, control my life, work, the schedules of those around me…all things that are not my job.

my job is to love God and the people he has made. anything else doesn’t count for much.

but what do we do with the to do’s that must get done? what is the balance?

i’m still on the journey, so i know i don’t have it all figured out, but here’s what i’ve concluded over the last couple of days:

sometimes the to do’s have to be done. but if i can listen to a sermon while i’m getting ready or making dinner or pray while i’m cleaning the house, i think i am redeeming the time i’ve been given; or really, just using it in the first place, by being present and purposeful in what i’m doing.

on the other hand, i want to grasp and live out the fact that resting is not wasting. sometimes the to do’s don’t have to be done, and things should be allowed to pile up. especially for the sake of loving the Lord and those He’s blessed my life with.

to live the balance, i am trying to intentionally ask the Lord what He wants me to do right now and then follow through. as always, it’s easier to say it than to implement it, but hey, it’s a journey! i refuse to let my impossible desire for perfectionism ruin forward movement.

About the Author

6 Comments

  • Caitlin April 27, 2013 at 10:42 PM

    I struggle with this daily. You articulated this beautifully!

    • Caitlin Author April 29, 2013 at 9:08 PM

      Thank you, Caitlin! It’s a daily struggle, but one I want to fight well, you know? Messy and difficult, but worth the struggle.

  • Liz Crawford April 30, 2013 at 4:12 AM

    I loved this post-it was refreshing, freeing, and very convicting. (To answer your question from my last post…you can totally feel freed and convicted at the same time!) I think conviction leads us to freedom when we allow God to take control. Thank you for helping me take the time and assess where I am in my tendency to control my life and to assess how often I actually allow God insight in how I should live my day. Great post. xo, Liz

    • Caitlin Author May 6, 2013 at 11:03 AM

      Liz, I agree! Thank you for your kind and encouraging words! Hope you have a fantastic day!

  • RA May 29, 2013 at 4:38 PM

    I’ve been thinking about this ever since you posted, and it took me that long to get my head wrapped around it and write about it. Thanks for pushing me to think about rest in a new way. :)

Leave a Reply